Back to School

As we prepare to send our children back to school, I want to remind parents that this is a time of transition and offer some guidance to help ease into a new school year.  Just as childbirth involves a crucial transition for a baby moving from the womb into the world, we face our own transitions with each new school year. My mother used to remind me that transitions, while often difficult, are vital for growth. Here are five tips to offer comfort as we navigate this time of change together:

1. Cultivate bravery

The start of a new year can bring up many fears for our children. Younger children can fear leaving the security of their home, starting a new grade, meeting a new teacher, or meeting new friends. Older students could grapple with concerns about academic pressure, social dynamics, or future plans like college. In these moments it is important that, as caregivers, we remain calm and offer encouragement.

Reassure your children that they are brave and resilient. Instead of validating their fears by allowing them to avoid school, affirm their courage and remind them that school is a safe place and that you know they can do it. If, despite your encouragement, your child shows significant worry, take the opportunity to explore these fears more. Ask your child open-ended questions and help create a plan for the school year by talking to their teachers and identifying a trusted adult in the school building that your child can speak to when their worries intensify during the school day. 

2. Maintain structure

Transition often means moving to new routines and structures. While it might be tempting to ease boundaries to ease this process, maintaining consistency is crucial. Boundaries equal safety and stability to children, which is crucial during times of change. By upholding these boundaries, we help our children feel secure, even as other aspects of their lives are shifting.

It’s important to remember that children may still test or push these boundaries as they navigate their new routines. This is a natural part of their development and doesn't mean they don’t need or benefit from these boundaries. Boundaries are like a lighthouse guiding them through the fog of change; they may test the limits, but their presence is essential for helping them feel grounded and secure. Consistency, coupled with compassion, is key in reinforcing these limits while providing the support your child needs.

3. Foster connection

During the hustle and bustle of a new school year, it is easy to let family connections fall through the cracks. With the extra demands of sports and extracurriculars family dinners can become neglected or hurried.  Prioritize one evening each week for a family meal where everyone can come together to share their experiences and feelings. Additionally, find 10 minutes a day for a one-on-one connection with each of your children - whether that is reading before bed, an evening walk or playing a board game. This small but meaningful investment, helps bond you with your child and helps them to feel seen, heard and valued.

Don’t forget to nurture your relationship with your partner as well. Doctors John and Julie Gottman - well respected clinical psychologists who specialize in relationships, suggest dedicating 6 hours a week to maintain a secure relationship, which can significantly impact the overall family dynamic. Read more about those 6 hours here.

4. Embrace “no” 

The beginning of a new school year can bring a rush of intentions and goals. It is important to be realistic about what you and your child can handle. Avoid overloading your schedules with too many commitments. Focus on the time you want to dedicate to connecting with yourself, your children, and your partner, and then determine how much additional time you have available for other activities. If you find yourself sacrificing essential needs like sleep, know it is ok to just say no!

5. Practice mindfulness

Approach this new school year with a mindful attitude. Focus on what is achievable and let go of unnecessary pressures.  Celebrate the boundaries you set and recognize the positive example you are setting for your children. By honoring your own limits and valuing connections over busyness, you are modeling the importance of balance, bravery, and self-care for your children.

As we step into a new school year, take a deep breath and embrace the journey with kindness and compassion and know I am sending you lovingkindness: 

“May you be well. May you honor your connections. May you love and be loved.”